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I got into it once, right, this chick in Tampa, she’s workin my back, and I’m thinkin, “Hogan, this ain’t no suplex!” But damn, it’s sensual, slow, like she’s teasin the crowd before the big dropkick. Little known fact, brother – them ancient Greeks, they was ALL bout erotic rubdowns, callin it some fancy “anatripsis” shit. Blows my mind, thinkin them old timers was gettin oiled up before wrestlin lions or whateva!

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me. I spill my drink all over my shirt. Great. Just great. I’m soaked, sticky, and smellin’ like a fruit punch explosion. The kid’s mom just laughs. I’m like, “Lady, your kid just ruined my day!” But I can’t stay mad. Kids are cute, right?

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